heavy, doc
Is this my destiny? To always hide away in the trivial because I'm scared to say something wrong? To forever temper myself because I can't escape the desire not to be appear stupid to people.
I usually do anyway, so you'd think I could learn not to let it bother me..
Don't get me wrong, I want to be that balanced, tempered person. But I want to do it out of love. Not fear.
Brennan Manning said the following:
And do you know what? I'm beginning to think that I should start believing that living this way would be a good idea. Which leaves me essentially a few steps removed, still, from achieving that type of lifestyle.
They say I must put this foot in front of that one before I reach the horizon..
..
I usually do anyway, so you'd think I could learn not to let it bother me..
Don't get me wrong, I want to be that balanced, tempered person. But I want to do it out of love. Not fear.
Brennan Manning said the following:
When we accept ourselves for what we are, we decrease our hunger for power or the acceptance of others because our self-intimacy reinforces our inner sense of security. We are no longer preoccupied with being powerful or popular. We no longer fear criticism because we accept the reality of our human limitations. Once integrated, we are less often plagued with the desire to please others because simply being true to ourselves brings lasting peace. We are grateful for life and we deeply appreciate and love ourselves.
And do you know what? I'm beginning to think that I should start believing that living this way would be a good idea. Which leaves me essentially a few steps removed, still, from achieving that type of lifestyle.
They say I must put this foot in front of that one before I reach the horizon..
..
Yesterday we went to to the funeral of a friend who commited suicide. The Church was packed and everyone was saying that the only person who didn't know how loved and respected and acceptable Chris was, was Chris. He had no self esteem and hated himself - even though he was the kindest lovliest man.
If we can't accept ourselves and feel comfortable in our own skin then how can we really accept others and feel comfortable with them (and at the same time not be concerned about how they see us because we know we are ok)?
The only thing that has helped me is beginning to understand and know in my heart that it is only really what God thinks and feels about me that counts. When you really get a hold of that it becomes ok to be yourself, and you can begin to be more yourself - the self He created you to be before you took on all the baggage. And it is ok to make mistakes and mess up, because He loves you anyway and He forgives you always. I'm not sure it is being true to ourselves that brings lasting peace so much as really knowing who we are in Christ, ransomed, loved, restored, forgiven - redeemed to be who we are meant to be and fully accepted and acceptable, always - no matter what. It is easy to know this in your head, but it only makes a difference when you know it in your heart.
Fear of man can be a powerful bondage but Christ came to set us free!
Here enedeth the sermon from the Mothership (who thinks you rock)
Posted by
Mothership |
November 29, 2006 7:21 AM
Tobiwan,
I really appreciate what you had to say. I too am very insecure at times, and reluctant to say anything, for fear of looking stupid or ignorant, or for saying something I will regret. I have been accused of being paranoid in this regard. I appreciate your honesty. I think sincerity is something that makes people feel comfortable with an individual and feel like they can open up to them. When we put on masks, we may think we are fooling others and maybe ourselves, but I think it leads to a more shallow, unfulfilled life, with fewer meaningful friendships. I have struggled with this, because it is hard and sometimes painful to make yourself vulnerable to others. Sometimes I tell myself "You idiot! Why do you keep doing this?? Why not be tougher?!" I fight that urge, because it has taken me years of letting God work on me to take off the callous layers of toughness and self-image that I have put on in my teen years of wanting to fit in with the world. Now I do try to be a Godly person, but as we know, that can be awfully hard, and often painful. It is so helpful to have the encouragement of other believers, brothers and sisters in Christ who appreciate and accept us as we are. I am thankful for the quote by Brennan Manning as well. I should check out some of his books. I basically need to read more - period! I am very frustrated with myself in this area.
All the best to you, my friend!
Posted by
Rismas |
November 29, 2006 3:29 PM