[irrelevant_title]

[chirpy_greeting];

randomize([weeks_news],[mildly_controversial_statement], _
          [slightly_strong_controversial_statement],[i_love_this_band]);

If [mildly_controversial_statement] {

          [half_hearted_statement_negation];

}

Else If [slightly_strong_controversial_statement] {

          [full_statement_negation];

}

Else {

          [random_guff];

}

If [negation_strength] < 5 { print [disclaimer]; }

If [boredom_factor] > 1 {

          [clear_all];

          print [utter_rubbish];

}


[signoff_bizzareness] = [previous_signoff_bizzareness] + 50;

[signoff](Toby, [signoff_bizzareness]);


ps. don't ask me what programming language this is supposed to be.